Rants

Good evening ranters and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

God today has been a total mix of ranting and feeling very grateful.

It started well, I woke up to find myself in bed with only my husband. This is unusual. More often than not there is a 4 year old in bed with us and this week has been a bit of a mare as 2 year old has also tried to get in on the act too. My back is constantly in bits as a result of this and I always do that dream like falling thing because more often than not, I actually fall out of bed as I constantly sleep on a razor of space. Anyway, last night I slept without children. Whoop! WIN.

I then was granted a 2 hr free pass to do some xmas shopping. It was all going well until I returned home to discover I had left a bag in the shopping centre. I drove like a mad woman back to the shopping centre. Cursing my life, the general population and with tears streaming down my face. And do you know what????? Some wondrous person handed it in to security!!!! I love everyone. I then scraped my wing mirror as I was reversing out the car park but you can’t have it all.

Anyway, FB Rants from yesterday.

Here are the stats.

  1. 118 comments
  2. 34 likes
  3. 26 Ranters
  4. 15 comments from people new to Rants

MY RANTS

  1. When your 4 year old learns to write and then thinks it is acceptable to scrawl all over your furniture, sheets etc. Every day I find the name Edith in a new place it shouldn’t be.
  2. Hair Rants. I am blessed to have 2 very healthy daughters and I am completely happy to be in Team Girl. I do often wonder however what it must be like to have a son and not have to have the constant arguments about hairstyles. These arguments always happen at exactly 7:47 in the morning, whilst I am trying to do brekkie, hiding dummies from my 2 year old and trying to make myself look presentable enough to take my daughter to school. Needless to say, it is an argument I always lose. Edie has at least 4 hairbands on and I turn up to school looking like the Wild Woman from Borneo.
  3. Contouring. Who honestly has the time for this. WTAF?!? Utter lunacy.
  4. Ridiculous newborn photoshoots. Naked babies lying in pretend eggs???? Whaaaaaat!!!
  5. Awful signs that people buy for their houses. Things like ‘Home is where the heart is.’ ‘You don’t have to be drunk to live here, but it helps.’
  6. Marzipan.

THE RANTS. Rants in BOLD are reappearances of previous rants.

  1. Avocados where they don’t belong….like cups for coffee!?!
  2. Millenial journalists being offended by EVERYTHING.
  3. Women in gigantic cars who cannot park, drive or manoeuvre.
  4. People who say ‘years of age’ instead of ‘years old.’
  5. Upside down Xmas trees.
  6. Trains being cancelled.
  7. People who put their bags on the chairs on public transport.
  8. Perfume adverts.
  9. Mince Pies.
  10. Candid peel.
  11. Sprouts.
  12. People who eat with their mouths open.
  13. Fly tipping.
  14. Desiccated coconut.
  15. Chewing gum.
  16. Cheesy engagement photo shoots.
  17. Glitter ?!?!?
  18. Sleeping Selfies.
  19. Pouting selfies.
  20. Dick pics and general dick heads on dating websites.
  21. Food served on paper in pie dishes.
  22. Snow.
  23. The Sainsburys Xmas ad.
  24. The Debenhams Xmas ad.
  25. The Vodafone Xmas ad.

That’s all for another week folks.

Thanks for reading.

Another week, another moan.

Yesterday was Friday Rants and in honour of the Royal nuptials I decided to use a picture of our Sovereign looking pissed off. This was a brilliant week for rants. Here are the stats…

  1. 27 likes.
  2. 156 comments.
  3. 31 ranters taking part.
  4. 17 ranters new to the party.

 

My Rants

  1. People who hand wash their bras….who actually has time for this???
  2. Men who wear their jeans under their arses. It does not look ghetto…it makes you look like you have an abnormally long body and teeny tiny legs.
  3. People who post deliberately ambiguous status updates on Facebook e.g. ‘hmmmmmmmm.’ ‘Sad.’ ‘Happy.’

I feel the need to apologise for previous Rant posts. I have now decided on my format which hopefully won’t change during the coming weeks.

So, drumroll please…..here are the Rants. Rants in BOLD are reappearances of previous rants.

  1. People who pick themselves of public transport. Spots, split ends, noses.
  2. People who say ‘bless.’
  3. People who get really excited about the Royal family and what new outfit Kate Middleton is currently wearing.
  4. People who stop right in the entrance of the train once they have got on, thereby blocking the way for people behind them.
  5. People who ask conductors questions in rehearsals knowing that they are actually giving their colleagues a note.
  6. Virgin Trains.
  7. Singers who bring gallons of water to rehearsals.
  8. Gym selfies.
  9. Men who pick their noses at traffic lights.
  10. The music world.
  11. Men who pick their noses at the urinal and stick their bogies on the wall.
  12. Drivers who don’t thank you when you let them through.
  13. People on the tube who manage to make the act of turning pages of their newspaper into an expression of their repressed anger and resentment.
  14. Chewing gum.
  15. People who invent a hierarchy to give themselves status.
  16. People who ask questions that have just been asked.
  17. People who run their lives through a lazy stereotype.
  18. People who give you their opinion on everything when you have never asked what they think about ANYTHING.
  19. People who start a conversation by telling you what they think, then when you respond just say ‘no’ repeatedly over what you are trying to say.
  20. Hypocrites who are only interested in the good of the group when it works to their benefit.
  21. Hypocrites.
  22. People who have 2 very different ways of speaking to others depending on whether they consider them above or below themselves or for professional gain.
  23. Networking.
  24. People who congratulate performers publicly on social media in order to ‘get in on the act.’
  25. Girls who only wear a sports bra as a top at the gym.
  26. The fact that Hollywood and the gaming industry now mainly focuses on the formula of sequels and prequels of the same genre, thus stifling the creativity at the top end of the market.
  27. Lazy use of CGI.
  28. The fact that box-set-bingeing exacerbates minor-completion-addiction.
  29. Washing your recycling.
  30. People who don’t wash their recycling.
  31. overly complicated recycling rules.
  32. When their are no paper towels to wipe your hands at the petrol station.
  33. People who describe themselves as ‘blessed’ when they mean smug.
  34. Shops who hire beautiful but very thick people.
  35. Clare Balding on radio 2.
  36. Elaine Paige on radio 2.
  37. Easy peelers which are not.
  38. Easy Jet.
  39. Low lying sun which makes driving impossible.
  40. Having to clean up before the cleaner comes.
  41. People at work making comments that your food smells.
  42. People who don’t stop properly at lights and just ride the clutch.
  43. Having toast for brekkie and then leaving the butter out all day.
  44. People who sit on the outside seat of the train and then huff when you ask them to move their bags so you can sit down.
  45. People who don’t know the difference between their, there and they’re. And effect and affect.
  46. People who stop and chat just outside the shop door.
  47. Rubbish on the tubes.
  48. People (mainly men) who take up tons of room on the tube….spreading legs, using both arm rests.
  49. People who wear winter hats inside pubs.

 

Phew. Epic rants. As ever, numerous rants about public transport and people who get in the way of us busy people trying to get to wherever we need to go. I also wonder if social media has helped to turn us into grumpy arses. I am definitely becoming less tolerant and I am sure FB has a lot to do with it. Gone are the days when you would leave school/work, go home and not speak to anyone bar the people you live with until the next morning. FB, Twitter, Instagram are only ever a click away.

Anyway, happy grumping until next week.

Friday/Saturday Rants

GRUMPYCAT

Hi everyone.

Three weeks ago I was in a terrible mood. I had had one of those mornings where nothing was right. I had battled with both children and my husband, walked the dog in the rain and had my period. I hated the world and I felt the world hated me. I needed to rant. I needed to moan. So I did what every slightly mad person does and put it on Facebook.

My rant was this:

  1. People who say hubby and hollibobs.
  2. Really long hair. By this I mean REALLY long hair.
  3. People who are unable to close their mouths when they are in stand-by mode.
  4. People who talk on their speaker phone when they are on public transport.
  5. People who get on the tube without letting others off.

I know, I know it is controversial and risky putting this on FB but it made me feel better. Tons better. I was almost goading social media into an argument. It was liberating. Well who knew that this post would end up having 68 comments!!! I was flabbergasted. I was amazed and I also felt vindicated. People commented who I hadn’t heard from in ages. People LOVED Friday Rants. Other comments included:

  1. Sunglasses on the tube.
  2. Men who wear hats indoors.
  3. Trump.
  4. Shops that are constantly on sale.
  5. People walking whilst looking at their phones.
  6. People who pronounce ‘pneumonic’ when its ‘mnemonic.’
  7. People who say ‘like’ like all the time.
  8. Starting every sentence with ‘so…’

I honestly felt that I was bringing people together with this 1 day of bad-tempered ranting. I also realised that i was guilty of texting while walking and saying ‘like’ and ‘so’ all the time. This has given me something to work on….to hopefully become less annoying.

Anyway, how exhilarating to discover that half way through the week, people tried to add rants. NO NO NO Friday Rants only happen on a Friday. I don’t want to start a club of Moaning Myrtles. This is a one day a week thang.

So………….(stop it Els). Week 2. 71 comments. Wooohooo. People commented immediately….literally within seconds. Rants included:

  1. Slow moving people.
  2. Online shops when they make ridiculous substitution. ‘No we have run out of milk but we had substituted it with a CBeebies magazine.’ WTF that is an unacceptable substitution.
  3. People who stop right outside the exit of a tube station.
  4. Sweat.
  5. Your and you’re.
  6. Eating on the tube.
  7. Bubs.

Interestingly a lot of these rants involve public transport.

Week 3. 69 comments. Rants included:

  1. Couples who have conversations with eachother on FB.
  2. Parma Violets.
  3. Bourbon biscuits.
  4. The crying emoji being used to express sadness about something really serious.

Interestingly after week 3 people started to say that I should blog about it and maybe record a podcast. I have to say what, in theory sounds an idea which promotes moaning, it is really feel good. I am British. I adore a moan and so it seems does everyone else.

Week 4. Rants have been up for 3 hours and we are already on 64 comments. I have heard from a friend who I was at school with….18 years ago!!!! Rants is reuniting lost friends!!! It is interesting to note that British Rants revolve around people getting in the way (either by being slow, oblivious or, interestingly by being friendly) of where you need to get to. Also public transport comes us A LOT.

Rants included:

  1. Cashiers at supermarkets who start a pointless conversation with you when there is a queue and you are in a hurry. ‘No I do not want to chat about what I do with avocados. I AM IN A RUSH.’
  2. People who stay at the bar after buying a drink so you can’t get near it.
  3. People who stand on travelators. Unless you are elderly, disabled or pregnant WALK!
  4. Hashtags. ilovemyjobnofilter. Todaysoffice.
  5. Trump. (again)
  6. IKEA

Do you think in the Summer there will be less ranting? Do you think when it gets closer to Xmas there will be less ranting? I kinda hope not. So far, it has made me reconnect with friends i haven’t heard from in ages and people are enjoying it.

Happy/Ranty days