I have just done a major thing. Major for me anyway. I have just done an audition. As I am an opera singer this shouldn’t be the big deal it is but unfortunately I am an opera singer who has MAJOR nerves.
Singing used to be something that was ridiculously easy. I always played the piano and the flute but when my nerves started to get the better of me I decided to start singing. It went well for a while. Really well. I got roles in shows, a good performance degree and I was accepted into the RNCM in Manchester. I think this was where it started to go wrong. I would dread having to stand up in class and sing. I was terrified everyone would think I was crap. This ultimately is my problem….I am terrified of what others think of me. Unfortunately, I also lack the competitive gene, which is a must in my industry. It isn’t important to me to be the best. At college we were pushed into competitions and auditions which I just hated. I am also someone who has zilch poise. I am happy to run around singing arias and being funny, but give me a role that is just about beautiful, serene singing, then I just fall apart.
It is important for me to acknowledge that I am a good singer. On my own in a practice room I am really good. In front of people who are judging me, it all goes a bit wrong. That is the crux. To be a good singer, you don’t necessarily have to have the best set of pipes, you just have to have the self-belief that you do.
Anyway, as I said, today I am proud. I just did an audition. This wasn’t an anonymous audition. This was in front of my colleagues. People I will see again. Tomorrow in fact. I didn’t sing my best, but it definitely could have been a TONNE worse. For about 10 minutes, I managed to silence the voice in my head and I just did it. Will I get a part??? I don’t know, but for me, having the courage to audition was massive.
I am now heading home for a big glass of wine .